Voices from Israeli Jewish and Israeli Arab Students Finding Commonalities and Mutual Understanding

As a result of the War in Israel, I have partnered with Steven Aiello, Director of Debate for Peace in Israel, to provide an opportunity for high school students, both Israeli Jewish and Israel Arab to have a safe environment to process their thoughts, feelings and challenges experienced since the war broke out in Israel on October 7, 2023.

I have been facilitating on-going group zoom sessions with 18 students twice a week for the past three weeks.  The sessions are one hour long, allowing for peer interaction and discussion. Students are given strategies for writing personal narratives, poetry and journaling.  Most of the students have been submitting weekly writing that is both personal in nature and reflective of the challenges they are experiencing.

When asked to use one word to describe how they are feeling, words such as anxious, frustrated, horror, afraid, uncertain, disappointed, angry, overwhelmed, lonely and lack of control are spoken frequently. When asked to identify ways they are coping, they mention volunteering, writing to soldiers, sleeping, talking to people, not talking to others, crying, finding places to hide to get away, listening to music – it all depends on the day. As students experience war in Israel, they need a pathway to share their feelings and for their voices to be heard – the following are three of their stories…………… -

AM I OK - When someone asks how I am, I pause, torn between two choices. Should I share the truth of my emotions of stress and fear that consume my reality, or should I simply nod and say I'm fine, carrying on with my day? Although my inner self wants to break free and express the reality of my feelings, I often find myself saying, "I'm okay." Do I truly want to burden them with the weight of my experiences? Do I genuinely want to articulate the pain, suffering, nightmares, and guilt that I experience at me each moment of every day? When I finally return home after a long day, my head sinking into the comfort of my pillow, tears escape. I cry, confronted by the undeniable fact that no matter how much I suppress my emotions during the day, they are real, and they are a part of me. I cry because I'm scared and overwhelmed, helpless in the face of a situation where I can't even help my own people in Gaza the very ones I cry and worry about daily. My sadness transforms into a deep sense of pity, and I feel powerless. While I shed tears over my thoughts, others are shedding tears because they've lost loved ones, endured injuries, or faced starvation. It's difficult to concentrate on basic subjects in school. I sit there, struggling to hold back tears, gazing at my phone, waiting for the news that I know will haunt me for a lifetime. When I receive that news, something changes within me. I feel resentment toward friends I once considered my closest allies. I catch myself and, in doing so, realize the gravity of the situation. I need to stop. I have to put my phone away and distract myself, doing whatever it takes to divert my mind from the grim reality. However, despite my efforts, I'm haunted by guilt. As I lay on my comfortable bed at home, I feel guilt for those who have no place to sleep, no roof over their heads. When I want to eat, I'm reminded of starving children, desperately longing for something to fill their empty stomachs in Gaza. So, the honest answer to the question of whether I'm okay is no. I'm not okay, and I fear things may get even worse. I can't even use my voice to educate people about it because the consequences would be severe and put me in danger. I'm petrified to leave my house and meet my friends, fearing that someone filled with hatred could end my life and the lives of other innocent people.

The Last sleepless Night - The clock has already raced to the swift hour of five, I can feel the end of the day. I wanted it to be over. I stayed in my living room all say, it was the room closest to the shelter. I was lying supine on the couch; I hadn’t moved in a long time. My legs wouldn’t move. I was paralyzed. The television was on but I didn’t hear a word. I’m waiting for the alarm to go off.

It was raining, I thought to myself maybe today will be one of those peaceful, beautiful days, where all you can think about is running outside when the rain is over to smell the petrichor of post rain. My favorite smell. Somehow, I got up to get myself a drink. The glass was in my hand, I brought it up to my lips and suddenly heard a big shatter, a loud explosion. I felt a painful sting on my leg. I looked down and the glass that was in my hand was all over the floor in small pieces. But how it was in my hand a second ago? Quickly the shock was gone and I realized what had happened. The red alarm went off. My body didn’t react, the fear took over. Barefoot and bleeding I ran to the shelter. I locked myself in and fell to the ground. The only thing I thought about was the citizens, that this night may be their first sleep that they won’t wake up from. The first sleep that they won’t wake up to share their dreams to their loved ones. I thought about the horror, the children, grandparents, babies and toddlers have to witness and be in. I thought about the soldiers that risk their lives, that risk not seeing their loved ones again, that risk not waking up and breathing, smiling, laughing and loving just so I’ll hide in my shelter and be safe so my life will continue. So, I will smile, so I will live so I will laugh and love.

Twenty minutes of dreading hearing an explosion, twenty minutes of overthinking, twenty minutes of panic, twenty minutes of fear have been gone. It was time to go out of the shelter. I decided to go out after a few minutes, I smelled the petrichor of post rain, but this time it was the worst smell I have ever smelled in my life. It was the smell of panic. It was also the smell of realization. The realization this would be again a sleepless night and it won’t be the last anytime soon.

I AM FROM

I am from a loving family that has always been my biggest support system and taught me how to be a human that respects all before anything.

I am from a grandma that when anything goes wrong she’ll be the first I call or when I need help with my studies she stays up until 1 am to make sure I understand everything.

I am from a mom that always tells me to care about my education more than my looks cause my brain is what’s gonna help me help my people in the future.

I am from a school that taught me how to feel safe with the other side yet while having a heated dialogue about our different histories and always gave me an opportunity to share my voice with the outsiders and join programs like these. I come from my siblings that made me want to work harder and fall in love with soccer and specifically real Madrid.

I am from seeds of peace that somehow put my mind at ease. I am from praying for peace and patience to all yet I still find myself between two walls. Although I wish I can continue with the happy thoughts I have to face reality and remember that I am also from fake friends who are willing to only take and put you at stake and from mothers whose hearts will always ache.

I am from having your hands in your pockets will get you shot and kids dreams are simpler than becoming an astronaut.’

I am from my people and my land occupying my mind and my heart and from not feeling happy until my community and I are no longer apart.

I am from where not talking about your people and their suffering is considered being a traitor and talking about them can end your major.

I am from where hearts are broken day and night and children may not be able to see another day of light finally.

I am from a very bad place where you reach a point where your living in guilt because who are you to survive. So, until when am I supposed to live like this until when am I gonna have to pray that I wake up and there’s no hate and fear in this world.